gAmeDHD

Colin Clark

If I were a Boomer, I’d bloviate on how god damn soft I’ve gotten in my late 30s. And I know for a fact that the 22-year-old version of myself thinks as much. This ass that once used to hop freight trains for fun, profit, and protest now lounges on a sofa larger than any I have ever known or owned in my life. Cat in lap, a bevy of beverages beside me I write to you about a particular proclivity concerning how my ADHD addled brain prefers to partake in my pastime of preference. That pastime being — obvi — videogames, and that proclivity being exclusively via handhelds, given the choice. And while I still peruse the Steam and itch.io store pages for shiny new games (hardly any of them, if any, AAA titles these days [that’s right, pretentious mode]) I have turned my watchful gaze upon a new subset of gaming. Or, I should say, an old subset of gaming, though one brought to me on the most modern of technologies.

Retro emulation is… well it’s just the best. However, as noted below, it doesn’t have a tendency to “just work”. You kinda have to work for it. Like, not much. Just a bit. Just enough so that you have that beautiful feeling that you have accomplished something. To a person with a normal brain, that might sound strange. Why would you want to have to tinker with something before it does the thing that you want it to do? But you don’t have a normal brain, so perhaps you get it. Yes, I know neurotypicals “feel accomplishment.” I just know, from personal experience, how extra good that rush of accomplishment chemicals can feel to some of us once we actually get around to accomplishing something in the first place. The best part is, you can continue to obtain these rare and precious chemicals by continuing to tinker and futz with handheld devices. And then, when you’re done, you get to sink back into a game that you *cough* got for free *cough cough*. So… how does the price point less than the cost of a AAA retail game in 2025 sound for literal endless hours of play time? Endless — in theory — numbers of amazing games in the palm of your hand? This isn’t a pitch to someone who has a Steam Deck. Those things cost over $500 and I’m guessing if you have one, you’ve tried out emulation on it already. This is for someone who has never tried emulation before. The rest of us already know the joy.

When I first drafted this piece, it was an awkwardly sweeping gesticulation and intricate dive into every handheld I own, why I own it, and what each of them “do” for me. Although this may still be awkward, that rendition was an absolute snoozefest of a read to anyone but myself or them who are eyeball deep in the retro-handheld-gaming-o’shpere. And therefore boring and narcissistic for even those two demographics. If you are someone in the retro-handheld-gaming-o’sphere, you don’t need another freak telling you all about the handhelds you already know and love. Those freaks already exist on the internet. Some of them you should stay far, far away from. There are so many articles, videos, and even entire outlets there that explain the minutia of individual handhelds, what they can run, how they run, what they cost, and why you should or should not patronage them and their creators. Go find those sources. I ain’t doing that here. I refuse and I’m not qualified. Bottom line though, if you are new to this space, you either don’t or shouldn’t care about such levels of detail. This shit is supposed to be fun, my dude. If you wanna do research about handhelds, the resources are there, and they are so violently and aggressively better than I can or should provide. This is not the space for that. Instead, I want to present a case for the importance and ingenuity of retro handheld gaming as a whole. Why we love these little doohickeys. And, to some degree, not what I have, but why I have so many such talismans that all do basically and bottom line the same damn thing? Where do the connections between the ever-present ADHD search for “something new”, and the ever present Autism Special Interest collide and why, for me and many, is it handheld gaming? This piece has been a long time coming. I should be writing about current prescient topics such as the truly harmful group Collective Shout, Microsoft layoffs, or even the under construction fool’s opus on modern games media. Instead, I’m about to info dump like you ain’t never seen before about something that simply couldn’t matter less. It’s a bit personal, it’s a lot contextual, and hopefully a small part guiding light down the treacherous path that is handheld gaming. A welcoming into the space that is retro (and non retro) handheld gaming. I love you. And I like-like portable gaming systems. And I want y’all to coexist. Please.

Regina Spektor so aptly noted in “Uh-Merica” that “there’s nothing like emptying a cartridge at the sun.” The Russian poet and songstress obviously clocked the utter wastefulness of the current capitalistic international environment inside of which we so wonderously exist. To say “e-waste is a problem” is reductive and obvious. And in this particular interest space, it is a problem we have to contend with, and try to consume as thoughtfully and consienciously as we can. Batteries choke junk yards and dumps, and the electronics replete with antique Nokia batteries providing them power blasting out of factories are numerous and beyond horrifying. Take a look at James Channel for an idea of the lowest of the low in e-waste. Those machines are fascinating in a way that demands the worst and most base form of my attention and interest. It’s a train wreck to say the least, and a beautiful supernova of glut and minimal effort if I’m being dramatic. James, by the way, has another channel called Dank Pods that highlights e-waste outside of gaming. But the literal dumpster fires of knockoff handhelds are peak late stage capitalism. If you still think “capitalism breeds innovation”… you’re on the wrong website. May I direct you to Toilet Paper USA? Get da fuq oudda heeeere. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism, my friends. And now for a perfect dismount off my high horse so that I can wallow in the mud I so desire. ❤

Retro gaming is becoming a problem. There are infinite knockoffs and scams clogging AliExpress, and it can be hard to distinguish a worthwhile, thoughtful, ergonomic, well designed handheld loaded with useful firmware and a drive to get you to play the damn games… and a back alley knock off of a knock off that most people newly entering the hobby get sham-fisted into purchasing because of the price point. Then, after possible weeks of waiting the device arrives, doesn’t do what the purchaser wanted it to do out of the box (or often even after endless tinkering), and they loose interest, thinking all retro handheld emulation is bunk If you take one damn thing away from reading any of this, please know that this space can be beautiful. It can transport you back to a time when your main concern was your 7th grade history project and whether Danielle or Brandon thought you were cute. There is so much joy to be had here. Once you’ve entered the space, gotten a foothold, and determined your own approach, you can begin doing glorious victory laps like slapping CRT shaders on your emulated ROMs that make it look like you’re playing Seiken Densetsu 3 or Banjo Kazzooie or Legend of Dragoon on a screen that puts the Best Buy ceiling display of the 90s to shame. This, despite some folx worst intentions and best efforts, is a beautiful hobby, and a welcoming space if you stay away from the gatekeepers and the chuds. If I can survive in the discourse of handheld gaming, you can too. Just know that here be cellar lurkers, and kids that my level of pretension to shame. Unfortunately, it is often at the hands of these phantoms that some of our greatest nostalgic joys are birthed, that being emulators, custom firmware, mods, and the like. That brings us to tinkering vs. play time. And learning how to tinker. And why tinkering is perhaps more than half the reason we do this. And why tinkering sucks.

Tinkering will keep you away from playing the games that you bought the device in order to play in the first damn place. Please, learn from me. Spend as much tinkering time as you want, but when the time finally comes, promise me you’ll sink down into your comfiest chair, lay back in bed, or hell, rip out a section of Mario and Luigi: Dream Team during a toilet-sit of epic length and fortitude. Let those legs go numb. Enjoy the “bibbidybabbidy” babbles of the plumber boys as your elbows leave red marks on your thighs. Sit too long, wherever you end up. Spend too much time sunk into a game you haven’t played since you were 14. You don’t — holy fuck almighty, I promise you, you don’t — need to play every single new release that Geoffrey Paul Keighley, whose birthday we attend twice each year tells you you must play in order to be part of the gaming discourse. The good news (and if you’re a developer, the terrifying news) is that only about 15% of people who played a video game last year played one released that same year. Many of us have had e-damn-nough of “eagerly awaiting” whatever slop Randy Pitchford has deemed worthy to huck in our general direction. Gamers’ habits are changing, and the industry seems hell-bent on not keeping up (outside of visionaries like Tom Francis). There is an enormous backlog of game history you’ve never touched or even heard about. And it’s waiting for you — for free, if you catch my drift, “matey” — to explore. I don’t necessarily condone pirating, but there’s some high-seas-sailing to be done when your only options for playing any certain game is spending thousands of dollars on a legitimate setup for a game trapped on an archaic system… or just… you know… doing a little interneting. Just think of it as “nostalgia research”. Send me an email. I’ll hook you up, my dude. Tinkering, however, is an age-old tech dork’s favorite past time. Attempting to get any piece of technology set up to do exactly what you want it to do, exactly how you want it done is an art form unto itself. Retro handheld emulation can come with as little or as much tinkering as you want it to. Well, to be truthful, there is a minimum amount of tinkering you’ll have to do. I do not condone sticking with the unhinged selection of ROMs that come pre-loaded onto your purchased handheld of choice. The one mandatory piece of tinkering you’ll have to do is get your ROM library up to your own personal standard, and get it loaded on your handheld. But there is a joy in getting a custom firmware flashed and set up just right on your device. Many of mine have been set up to run screensavers, play menu music, and do things like auto save and load games when booting or shutting down. Why? Because it can be done and I think it’s neat. The minutia in which you can get sunk into is fairly bottomless. There’s so much you can customize. So much you can tailor to your own personal tastes. And the doing of that can be flat out fun. For me it’s at least half the fun. Yes, it can be frustrating when what you’re trying to do just doesn’t work out quite right. But when you overcome those obstacles, just like anything in life, the feeling of accomplishment in learning something new can be downright joyful. Learn to tinker. Become a tinkerer. It’s basically magic. You’re telling electrical currents how to do certain things on pieces of rocks that have been inscribed with magical runes and symbols to bend to your whims and shape the very world in your hands. This is not the first time I have posited on this site that technology is literal magic, and it won’t be the last.

So, then, ROMs. These devilish little bastards are the hard-coded files that bring nostalgia flooding into your serotonin-deprived brain. The dopamine swells as you plunge and pick and spelunk into game after game after game. Does spending an afternoon delving into every trash-tier Game Boy Color game ever made “spark joy” in your chemical deficient brain? Or perhaps sinking deeply into an old-school JRPG from the PSX era – say, Vakyrie Pofile – that you haven’t gotten to play in literal decades? I know you loved that certain game, and I’m sorry your mother got rid of it. And I’m extra sorry that a copy of it will now run you $250. Now what about being able to do both the perusing and the depth diving at the push of a few buttons? Yes, setting up these bastards takes time and energy. But yes, that time and energy can be half of the fun. Scouring the internet for safe and legitimate sites to download ROMs can be daunting. But it’s not hard, and not half as scary or dangerous as you think it is. Be smart and your beloved computer will be safer than it would from browsing half of the internet. I currently have a library of every single NES, SNES, GB, GBC, and GBA game ever released in North America, and most released in the EU and Japan — many of which I have patched for English translation thanks to the majesty of fan translation groups. I’m talking everything from Mother 3 to Wizardry: Empire, y’all. You haven’t played Mother 3 yet because the idea of patching a ROM and playing the entirety of a game meant to be handheld while sitting a computer is daunting. I get it. But it’s easy when you can play it in the handheld form factor on which it was meant to be played. You’re on this site, you know how to internet. And the kind folx who translated these games want you to play them and have made every effort to get them to you as simply and efficiently as they can. Can I interest you in playing over 60 new unique tracks for Mario Kart DS? Well CTGP Nitro has you covered. I’ve spent more hours running these tracks in recent days than any other game in recent memory. What if I told you there was a ROM hack called Super Mariomon that took the Pokemon Emerald formula and injected it with Mario characters and enemies instead of the traditional Pokemon fare? That. Shit. Rips. Oh my god it rips so hard. Go challenge Waluigi to a gym battle for fuck sake. The barrier for me, to all of this beautiful content, is that I didn’t want to sit at my computer to play these games. That’s where retro handhelds come in. And the barrier to entry is far easier to surpass than I bet you think it is. ROMs are the magical files that bring you the actual joy in retro gaming.

Speaking of joy: in my household, we celebrate Candlenights during the winter holidays. It is a pan-religious, pansexual, personal pan holiday that starts when you want it to and ends when you want it to. On one Candlenights eve of 2023, my stupendous, caring, sparkling, and magnificent spouse gifted upon me an Anbernic RG405V. This magical purple chungus of a vertical device served as my diving board into retro handheld gaming. Running Android and a slightly outdated chipset, the 405V is overpowered for the likes of PSX, N64, and even Dreamcast, but a little too under-powered to run PS2 and Gamecube. It has since been set aside in favor of other handhelds, but it holds a very special place in my collection of electronic talismans. I plan on turning it into a permanent set-top box console under my television, but that’s a project for another day. I’ll admit, running Android for your first device isn’t something I’d recommend. It took me forever to figure out how to load up any additional ROMs I had acquired onto the device. It can be done, and if someone as dummy-coded as me can do it, you can do it too. I’ll talk a bit later on why it being a pain in the ass to get running out of the box is actually a good thing, especially to those of us whose brains need a little extra help in the chemical department. Here’s the issue though. That particular device still runs about $130. That’s so far above and beyond the amount of money that needs to be spent to dip your little toes into the tempting waters of Retro Emulation. Let me suggest, instead, the Anbernic RG35XX line of systems. At an entry point of – hold onto something here, you’re gonna love this – forty fucking American buckarinos, it’s a tempting deal almost too good to pass up. When you factor in the other form-factors of the 35XXH, 34XXSP, and – my favorite, and the one I’m going to insist you start with – the 35XXSP, which, at time of publication, is on sale for $50 on the Anbernic store. When you think about the sheer volume of games you can play on this beautiful little clamshell device — which will remind you of your GBA SP that your grandmother gifted you for Candlenights in 2005 — is sheer bang-for-your-buck magic. Plus it runs Linux. Learn to flash a custom OS onto one of these devices — may I suggest KNULLI — and your experience delving into everything up to and including PSX will be joyous, I promise.

That’s the what, but what of the why? What I’ve done here is I’ve buried the lede. Because what retro gaming handhelds have actually done is quenched my ADHD in a way like nothing else quite ever has. Not only is it fun to collect these little technical marvels, but it in essence gives you an endless well of games to delve into and explore. I used to have literal dreams when I was a kid about happening upon a trove of hundreds of video games that were mine to explore and play. Now, at 36, that childhood dream has become a reality. I was also the kid that brought a floppy disk to computer class with a SNES emulator and Super Mario World and Super Metroid ROMs loaded on it, and would blow my friends’ minds by playing – get this – Super Mario on the computer! This bit of magic in 7th grade also ended up getting me my first girlfriend. Slick, right? Blegh. I gave myself the ick. My point is, emulation has always been cool, and will always be cool. And now we can do it on the go. While I have a solid collection of handhelds including the Playdate (which I’ve written about here) a triple set of Anbernic devices (check out the RG34XXSP for GBA gaming built to perfection) and a Miyoo Mini Plus (perfect for Pico 8), my current go-to device is a Retroid Pocket Flip 2. This thing is a monster. The clamshell design is selling point enough for me, but promise a clamshell design that can emulate up to and including PS2 and Gamecube (and even a few PS3 games??) and you have a device tailor made for me. Again, setting all of this up on Android, to me, is a bit trickier than on Linux, but the flexibility you have on Android – it basically runs exactly like your phone – is staggering. I use Emulation Station for my front end, which gives me a super smooth ROM browsing experience, and launches directly into any one of my discreet emulators, including RetroArch. I even have Retro Achievements set up on all my devices. Retro Achievements do what it sounds like it do. Folx have put in thousands of achievements that can be tracked throughout all of your retro ROMs, and just about any emulator worth its salt has compatibility with it. What you’re left with, is an incredible little machine that is a direct portal to your childhood. A tube that injects nostalgia and dopamine directly into your eyeballs.

Take the plunge. You’ll have a great time. The community can be toxic sometimes, and there are lunatics in the discords who don’t want you there, but there are others out here who are more than willing — and I mean we’d be super stoked — to help a newcomer find their first footholds in our favorite pastime within a favorite pastime. So pop over to the Anbernic, Retroid, or Miyoo storefronts, or do some more research first, and join us! Your N64 days are waiting and your 10-year-old self would like some time out of the brain box you’ve shoved them into.

That is my long winded, extra pretentious and self indulgent pitch for retro handheld emulation. If you’ve made it this far… thank you, as always! It’s been too long since we last spoke, and I’m sorry for that. There are further projects in the works, and while it was nice to take a small break, it’s also good to be back. I’m stoked for you to get your hands on your first system! As to where to begin once that magical moment hits, I’ve suggested one game for a few major consoles below. Hopefully it’s something you’ve never played, and even better if it’s something you’ve never heard of!

GAME BOY
Kingdom Crusade: Yes, the name sucks ass. It was the 90s. We didn’t know, man. Kingdom Crusade is the most fun I’ve had on the Game Boy since I was seven playing Link’s Awakening. This top down strategy title puts you in control of a magical kingdom of varying units — from your kind and queen to a wizard and giant — and pits you against an enemy in a race to wipe each other off the map or capture each other’s castles first. Each unit has differing stats, so selecting the right unit for the job at hand is crucial. Is that knight approaching your territory with unreasonable speed? Perhaps bring out an archer who can keep him at bay under a rain of arrows. But if that knight gets so much as a hit on your archer, you’re pretty fucked. When selecting a unit, you’re dropped down into the local map to control it directly via the d-pad, firing its projectiles with B and jumping and casting spells with A. You move the unit to the side of its local chunk for it to advance to the next. End up on the same tile as an enemy and it’s a duel to the finish. Part Chess, part Gauntlet, Kingdom Crusade has more depth than most on the console and is incredible in it’s pick up and play value. Just uh, watch out for that giant. I’m not sure how those fuckers move so fast.

GAME BOY COLOR
Shantae: I wanted to be Shantae when I was a kid. I thought she oozed cool, and I still think she does. I settled, instead on being the gender appropriate Aladin for Halloween, but in my head, it was a Shantae costume. Shantae doesn’t hustle around the screen in this, her first platformer outing, she struts, unbothered and serving c*nt the whole way. Boasting a vibrant world, fun if rather stiff control, and deeper gameplay than seen at first glance, this entry on the Game Boy Color kick started one of my favorite franchises of all time. While the overworld levels can be lacking, the dungeons hit on an entirely new level than I had ever experienced in a handheld platformer before. Shantae collects different animal forms to shift into along the way, giving the game a solid sense of progression and pacing. Spend some time in this pirate and genie filled universe, and you’ll discover a handful of games you might have passed up at first glance. Shantae is to me, the coolest platform mascot of all time. Developer Way Forward continues to hit games out of the park even today. Check out the entire catalog!

GAME BOY ADVANCE
Summon Night: Sword Craft Story 1 & 2: I don’t really know how I stumbled upon this hidden gem in the massive GBA library, but it quickly became one of my favorites of all time. Summon Night 1 and 2 on the GBA are wonderful little action RPGs with more depth and quirks than they have any right to. Expanding on the mechanics of the first entry, 2 sprawls into a grand adventure. Take control of one of two main characters and their magical companion in a top down exploration system with random encounters shifting to a side-view perspective and action combat. Craft progressively more powerful versions of a surprisingly wide variety of weapons and use those weapons in satisfying, if grindy and sometimes difficult combat. A great game to pick up and mindlessly sink some grind time into, both entries are at the top of my recommendations for the GBA which is possibly my favorite console of all time. I can’t sink high enough praise onto these two games. Start with the first entry to get your bearings on the obtuse crafting systems and game pacing, and enjoy the story along the way. Be sure to look up a guide to obtaining your preferred magical beast, or utilize save states to experiment. God damn, now I just wanna play some Summon Night.

NINTENDO 64
Bomberman 64: While I’d love to recommend something a little more obscure — say, Chameleon Twist –– I refuse to pass up an opportunity to extol the much vilified and overlooked Bomberman 64. This game was the king of Blockbuster Rentals on my street. Stupid and unnecessary shoehorned anime storyline? Check. Game breaking techniques in single player that make you feel like you’re cheating even though you’re not? Check. A multiplayer that kept us up until dawn at sleepovers? Check. And an absolutely banging soundtrack to boot. Bomberman 64 is simply a joy. Go watch some speed runs of this game, and you’ll instantly be hooked. Shit’s weird.

GAME CUBE
Kirby Air Ride: Sure, this entry isn’t obscure or unknown, but it certainly is misunderstood. I misunderstood the hell out of it on my first attempt, and I’m the biggest Kirby freak you know. Controlling with only one button and the analog stick, you’d be forgiven for thinking this racing game is overly simplistic. It, however, is a game so complex, the level of freakitude in the modern competitive scene rivals that of fighting games. Boasting three modes: Air Ride – the typical race, Top Ride – a top down arcade racer more akin to a minigame than anything of real note, although still a blast, and City Trial – the mode we’re all here for. Portending the incoming craze of battle royals almost two decades early, players in City Trial race their Kirbys around an open map collecting power ups for their respective machines upon which they ride. Events take place sporadically to liven up the competition as bralws break out in the mid and late game all culminating by a final event that determines the match’s winner. From races to battle arenas to distance challenges, you never know what event the game will throw at you and your competitors, so you better knock them down a peg beforehand to give yourself even a fighting chance. Discovering this game turned its upcoming sequel for the Switch 2 a console seller for me, making it my most anticipated game of the year.

SNES
Seiken Densetsu III or Trials of Mana: The third entry in the Mana series didnt come to western shores until very recently under the guise of a remake. That, however, has not stopped many Westerners, myself included, from lauding this as the pinnacle of the franchise. Taking control of a party of three in an action RPG is at times hectic and imparsible, but this game may be the Super Famicom’s most ambitious and sweeping title in scope and visuals. Bolstered and inspired by the art of Hiroo Isono, Trials fists players into a world wherein humanity is dwarfed by the scope of nature and the elements. What follows is an intricate, management based ARPG for the ages, and my favorite game on the system. Apply a patch, and enjoy with impunity.

PSX
Racing Lagoon: This, right here, is the coolest game of all time. It sat unplayed on my shelf for years, king of my backlog simply because I couldn’t get the god damn english patch to apply correctly. Well, now I have, and it’s confirmed, Racing Lagoon will go down in the history books as my favorite PSX game of all time. The presentation is bizarre and confident, and the writing puts modern slam poets to shame. There’s something thick and brooding about this game that could come off as cringe, but instead pulls you in and makes you a member of its neon universe. The racing can be brutal, and upgrading your car is inscrutable at first, but stick with it and Racing Lagoon will top your charts in no time. This one is my number one recommendation in all of retro emulation.

PS2
GrimGrimoire: Vanillaware is the company that refuses to die, against all odds. They make games for freaks, most notably their recent release Unicorn Overlord, a love letter to the Ogre Battles of yore. If none of this rings a bell, congratulations, you’re not a disaster human. If, however, the idea of possibly the most beautifully animated aesthetic in gaming married with a 2D side view real time strategy RPG sound intriguing or even just bizarre, and you think you can tolerate an admittedly aged visual novel between bouts, this thing practically sings. Join us freaks. Never let Vanillaware die.